This is a sad day…

This man and his band are coming to perform (as the main act) at one of the biggest summer festivals in my country, and I can’t go there and listen to them. Life is so unfair. Aaargghhh!

Better living through chemistry

When you observe the couples around you, you will notice that every one of them obeys to a different dynamic. However, it’s possible to identify some categories.

I may have made a mistake by choosing this couple for an illustration, because I learned by some serious press that Brad has left home.

But together, they illustrate (to my eyes)  one categorie of couples: the passionate ones.

There’s a lot of drama in this kind of relationship. F., 34, told me she is passionate when she’s in love. “I need to fight with my partner, just to reconciliate on the pillow after. It makes me feel alive, and it’s just how I work” she said. But I still wonder if this kind of relationship is sustainable on the long term. F. has had many relationships like that, but hasn’t settled down yet. “In the end, I hate when I feel the passion slowing, so I quit“she explained.

Another kind of couples are the ones where Madam wears the trouser. Some women love the fact they control everything in their relationship, and that their man cannot do anything without her.  “I find it so great he cannot do anything without me, but sometimes, I feel like I’m mothering him too much” H., 30, said.

There’s also the couples who based their relationship purely on sex. “Since I’ve met him, I barely see my friends and I have nothing to envy from the porn stars. But lately, he’s been slowing things down, and I start to wonder if he’s not seeing another person”J., 32, told me.

Some people who have a low self-esteem embark in a relationship where the other offer them security. “I’ve been hurt in the past, and have a problem of trusting the others. So I find it so secure he tells me at least twenty times a day that he loves me, he just treats me like a princess, fulfilling every need I have” C., 34, said.

Another kind of couple is those who can’t stand the daily routine and need to constantly invent creative ways to escape this. “I need him to surprise me all the time. Once, we went sky diving. He took me in remote areas without telling me before. I never know what to expect from him”explained K., 35.

And finally, there’s the couple based on pure friendship. “He’s my best friend and also my lover. I tell him everything, he’s the only one who really knows me at all” Y., 31, told me.

Each of these dynamics can lead to a long term relationship or a break-up. If you’re mothering him too much, treat him more like a friend than a lover, cannot tolerate that the passion/sex will slowly fade with time, chances are your couple will sooner or later be history.

In which kind of relationship would you fit in? And which one seems the most appealing to you?

The teenage F.B.I.

As I was travelling back home, I had to bear  the opportunity to watch the spectacle of a couple who was tongue-wrestling during the whole flight. They were acting  like teenagers, sucking the other’s face the whole time, except that they were both circa 50 year old, and that Madam looked like a faded flower. And believe me, the spectacle had nothing to do with the picture above. My sister, who was travelling with me, was disgusted. I just bet with her they would sooner or later pay a visit together to the toilet, but they didn’t.

It’s quite unusual to see situations like these between grownups in the public area. Usually, that domain is reserved to the teenagers. At that time of your life, you don’t give a fuck about what the others think. And I still remember some odd young couples who were making out in front of everyone just to piss everybody.

When you’re older, you don’t act like this anymore. Could you kiss your partner passionately in front of everyone? Personally, I couldn’t. But I was already a very private person when I was a teenager…

Here we go again

Vanessa , once again, got me in trouble. I’m supposed to post the “five things” meme about myself. There it goes.

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Dreaming about one day becoming a journalist. Meanwhile, I was partying a lot back then. And with one of my friends, we had a little game : one bottle, one man. I won’t explain the principle.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

Working as a journalist. Whether I like it or not, this job is taking of huge part of my time.

Five Songs you’re infatuated with.

When the levee breaks – a Perfect Circle: I just love how Maynard James Keenan manages to turn this dramatic song into something really, really sensual.

Race for the prize – The flaming lips:

I can listen to it over and over again. It’ so melancholic.

Stinkfist – Tool: I promise I don’t have an obsession with the artist mentioned above.   The lyrics of this song can be interpreted in different ways, it depends on the mood you’re in. It’s often the case with Tool songs (and with a Perfect Circle too). The first meaning of Stinkfist is about fist fucking…

Hurt – Nine Inch Nails: What can you say about this song, except that it is perfect?

Queens of the Stone Age – The lost art of keeping a secret: “whatever you do, don’t tell anyone”. A principle I try to follow…

Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire.

1. Do like Angelina Jolie (no, not stealing Brad Pitt, but following her path as an ambassador of goodwill for the U.N)
2. Be a business angel, helping little companies to grow and financing projects that don’t even see daylight because no one believes in them.
3. Traveling in remote areas. There are so many places I would like to visit. But not like Jim Rogers did.
4. Upgrading my family’s lifestyle.
5. Financing environmental projects.

 

Five Bad Habits.

1. Biting my nails. I’ve tried everything to avoid this, but I can’t help it.
2. Always delaying tasks to the very last deadline. I only work well under pressure.
3. I’m untidy. I never clean my desk at work and keep every document.
4. I never eat entirely my meal. And I’m picky about food I don’t cook and select myself.
5. Avoiding any sort of conflicts. I prefer to leave than confronting someone I have a problem with.

Five Things You Like To Do.

1. Singing in my car. It is said that it helps you dealing with your stress. I’ m a terrible singer, though.
2. Cooking. I love to experiment new recipes, especially for cakes and cookies.
3. Laughing with my friends, my man, and my family.
4. Writing.
5. Swimming. Especially when there’s no one around me.

Five Things You Would Never Wear Again.

1. A lace bra. I wore one once, and kept on itching and scratching myself.
2. latex clothes.
3. leather pants.
4. A body. The least sexy thing on this planet, especially when you take it off in front of your man.
5. high thighs nylons like dim up. If you’re over 100 lbs, your thighs will never look like this.

Five Favorite Toys.

1. A pink panther teddy bear. I had one when I was little, but I thought that it would look better with the head off.
   
2. My ipod. Very useful during the day when I want to isolate myself from all the noise at work.
3. my computer. A modern toy…
4. lego toys. I was never fond of Barbies and other baby dolls.
5. My other classmates when I was in elementary school. I was really cruel with the other kids back then, and  asked them to do silly or dangerous things if they wanted to be my friend…

So that’s it. I’ve got a hot potato to give to someone else, now. Who should I tag? Well, take the challenge if you want.

All the women of his life

Unless the man of your life has no friends and family, you will inevitably have to deal with all of them throughout your love life. Sometimes, it goes smooth with his family and friends, sometimes it doesn’t.  Many women I know told me that the trickiest part of their relationship is to deal with all the women present in his life.  Of course, there are exceptions: a friend of mine gets along really well with all the women in his man’s entourage, but she can’t stand her father-in-law and it’s war between them.

Let’s take a look at the female hurdles in a relationship.

•  The mother-in-law : For some reasons, she doesn’t like you and doesn’t hesitate to prove it to you on many occasions. “My mother-in-law considers me like the one who stole his son away from her. So she always criticized me, everything I do is wrong in her eyes. And this really starts to get on my nerves” indicates L., 34. “She spends hours on the phone with him. He’s the only male of her family close to her. His father passed away 3 years ago and his brother lives in another country. So, she always relies on him for everything. He has to help her everytime she needs it, and it’s often the case” explained K.,33.

• His sister(s): Remember a certain episode of Friends, where Rachel dates a guy who’s too close with his sister. G., 35, told me she encountered the same kind situation. “Her sister kept on coming into our apartment like if I didn’t exist. She would sit between us on the sofa, at the table, … I really felt like a was the third wheel. I just left him for that reason” she said. “Her sisters didn’t like me at all, and make everything possible to transform my life into a living nightmare. They wouldn’t  talk to me when we had the family reunions, I couldn’t count on them if we needed to be fetched at the airport, … ” M. told me.

• His ex: He remains in good terms with her ex. The problem is that she cannot accept it’s over with him and that he has moved on with you. “She kept on talking shit behind my back when she was alone with him. All she wanted was that he comes back to her, but she finally understood that he would never do that, and accepted me, with many, many apologies” tells R., 31. “She’s the mother of his child. They have a unique relationship because of that and I can’t understand it. It’s a huge part of the package, and there’s no compromise on this” explains T., 35.

• His daughter (works also with his son, BTW): You’re not her mother, and you will never be. In fact, she wants her daddy to go back with his mom. “This little monster can’t stand when I’m with her daddy, so she’s always sobbing, complaining, screaming when I’m there with them. I suspect her mom telling her bad things about me”  P., 36, says. “I cannot tell her what to do, she won’t behave anyway. So, it’s like a game for her to defy my authority all the time, and making me a fool in front of her father”Y., 30, explained.

• Her best friend.  She’s known him since kindergarden, and has seen all his conquests from the beginning. In her eyes, you’re just another woman he’s dating, and she believes you don’t deserve him.  “From the beginning, she didn’t carry me in her heart. She was really mean with me, criticizing everything about me in front of him and me. So, when we broke up, it was a victory for her”I., 31, says. “I suspected she was in love with him, but never had the guts to tell him about it. She acted like a jealous girlfriend with me. One day, I confronted her because I had enough. And to my surprise, she admitted she went too far with me, and now, we’re friends” K., 35, recalls.

You can cumulate problems with every woman in his life. In this case, maybe you should wonder if there’s no problem with you.   But it’s incredible how one single  person can poison your relationship.

Have you ever dealt with a situation like these? And how did it turn up?

Geeky love

Gosh, I don’t know what is the most ridiculous thing in this video. The music? The dance? The geeks?

 Tell me…

Thanks for the memories

Whether you want it or not, every past relationship you had leaves you with some memories (except if you have the alzheimer disease).  Sometimes, these are painful, but sometimes these aren’t.

It’s curious when you think about what’s left of our past relationships, what we could tell about it now. One of my friends told me she associates each of her exes with certain characteristics that probably won’t describe them at all. It’s just what she remember of them. I think she has reason.

Of course, if the break-up is still fresh, you will only focus on what went wrong. But once the resentment is gone, that’s another story. What can you tell about your ex you dated five, ten, twelve years ago? You’ll be surprised about the answers.

“A can of Doctor pepper. This is how we got introduced to each other” says K., about her ex she left ten years ago. “A car that kept on breaking down” tells H. “The school. We were sitting next to each other. The teacher thought back then that I could calm him down because I was the quietest element of the class and he was a living nightmare for the teacher. It didn’t turn like she expected, though” explained I., 20 years later.

Those little things have one quality: they make your past relationships less dramatic. It helps you to know you have completely moved on from those relationships, don’t you think so?

What’s the funniest memory you have of a past relationship? Personally, I remember a certain towel…

Is it me you’re looking for?

I read this article yesterday about the attractiveness of men in general. In summary, it says that young and muscular men have more chances to score with women, but when women look for the man they will spend their life with, they tend to avoid this type of men.

This would explain why you see beautiful women with not so good looking men. One of my friends, who was a model when she was younger, is married to a guy shorter than her, but also less appealing than her. But she hasn’t chosen him because of his physic. “He’s the most adorable person I’ve ever met. Very spiritual, funny, and caring. I don’t understand why I should have picked a better looking person for me. He’s perfect for me”she said.

When it comes to relationships, I’ve noticed that beauty can be a hurdle. My former model friend told me she hadn’t had a lot of conquests, unlike people think. “Men were too scared or something like that to approach me. Only overconfident men dare to flirt with me, but they don’t interest me at all. When I met my husband for the first time, it was me who was chasing him, not the contrary. He felt astonished a woman like me would pick somebody like him” she said.

So, if you were given the choice, what kind of men would you choose to spend your life with?

This one?

Or this one?

And why can’t we have both? 😀

Good riddance

The latest trend in splitsville is probably to throw a divorce party. This has become quite popular in the US, and starts to rise in Europe and Japan as well.

Why such an event for a not so pleasant time of your life? According to the specialists of the question, it symbolizes your newly re-found freedom.

When you think about it, it can be ridiculous, but quite helpful too if you want to move on. I still remember those sleepness nights we spent with all my girlfriends, back to school, when we used to light a fire with all our ex-belongings, and just felt relieved after that. It was like taking revenge on what those little bastards  our ex did to us.

Of course, the impact of such an act varies a lot on how the relationship ended. If you just break up on a common agreement, chances are it will do nothing on you. On the contrary, the more painful the breakup was, the more this ceremony makes sense. At least, this is what some of my friends think….

J., 34, told me she needed to have a “sort of divorce party” 6 months after her partner left her for another woman. “I didn’t want to do this before, because I wasn’t ready, but when the moment arrived, I felt like I was starting a new life”  she said. “I didn’t want to have a male stripper like some women want for this event. All I wanted was my friends around me, spending a good time together . We added just a little ceremony where I burned all my ex’s belongings and I received a necklace from my friends, marking this event” she added.

According to J., there’s an important thing to consider when you throw a party like that. You have to be ready to move on, otherwise, this won’t have the effect expected.

But for some people, this period of waiting  can be really short. “I had to have a ceremony like that just after my breakup. Our relationship was horrible, and it was a relief for me when we parted ways. I felt like a weigh was lifted off me, and that I could now start a new life”explained R., 31.

Does this ceremony really help you to move on ?

Let me upgrade you

Some couples are based on a strange dynamic, where love isn’t necessarily the engine. I’ve met recently an old friend of mine I lost completely of my sight , and Geez, she isn’t the same person I used to know. Like the ugly ducklin which turned into a beautiful swan, she has become a “true” woman, overconfident,  wearing stilettos, red lipstick, sexy clothes,… When we were teenagers, she used to dress badly and always stand in retreat from the others.  I never imagined she could turn like that years later.

What triggers that change ? She has met the man of her life, she told me. But he wasn’t only the man of her life, he was also “her mentor”. “He gives me advice for everything I do. He likes to tell me how I should dress, if I need to lose weight or do some exercises. I find this extremely stimulating. He gives me the confidence I never had” she explained.

Some people cannot accept their partner the way they are and make everything possible to change them. Sometimes, it’s acceptable. “I want him to stop smoking” says I., 32. “He needs to lose weight. When I met him, he was really thin, and now, he just looks like a bibendum”complains S., 35.  And we all change to the contact with each other. I discover a lot of things I didn’t know or haven’t made yet because of my man. And it’s mutual.

But sometimes, it goes a step further. “When we met each other, I liked him, but I was a bit embarrassed to take him in public. He was really intelligent, but dressed like a nerd and shopping for him was like paying a visit to the second circle of hell” H., 36, explained. “So, I started to dress him up, changed his non-existing haircut and his bad habits consisting in spending hours in front of his computer. He became more a social person, and now, I’m not embarrassed anymore of him in public”she added. I asked H. why she couldn’t let her man the way he is and why she picked him since she wasn’t fond of his personality. “He had potential, I knew it. Besides, I feel so proud I turn him into what he is now”she replied.

For some people, meeting a partner who wants you to change is a good thing. My friend told me she still feels she’s the same old her, but with “some improvements”.

But there’s the risk your partner starts to feel alienated.

Would you like if your partner pushes you to change? Would you like him/her to change and why ?