broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships

Better off alone?

Last night, I was invited to a birthday party, where I ended up in the kitchen chatting with the house guest and her friends. Her husband and her friends’ husband were in another room, playing a game where the loser had to drink shots of whisky. Of course, after one hour, the husbands started to talk incoherently as they all got drunk.

One of the women shrugged her shoulders when she heard they were playing that stupid game. She stormed into their room and shouted at her husband, mentioning he had to wake up early the next morning as they were about to hit the road for their holidays in Italy. He was supposed to be the driver.

When she came back in the kitchen, she looked at us very disappointed. But then, another woman told her her man wasn’t better. Because he was the one who initiated the game.

I know her man really well. And to be fair, I pity her a lot, because I know how unfaithful he can be. When she got pregnant two years ago, he cheated on her, and one of my friends told me he tried to woo her as he was sending her a lot of suggestive SMS. He also has a nasty habit of looking at me with concupiscent eyes, like one of my coworkers, who’s a pervert.

Later, the woman who shouted at her husband admitted she didn’t understand him very well. “I don’t know if he’s serious or if he’s just trying to make me laugh” she said. But her husband has a curious sense of humor, consisting of mocking other people. Well, if you read Lilian Glass’s book, “Toxic men”, you will know that when a man is joking at your expense, he just says what he really thinks. He’s serious, despite his laugh.

It is said that it’s better to laugh it off, in those situations. But sometimes, the jokes can be hurtful.

When I left the party, I thought I was better off alone. This is the good side of being single: there is no significant other to criticize you or diminish you.

On the other hand, I have some examples of couples where there’s no animosity like that. When I’m invited to my friends’ place, I never end in situations like these. Usually, I end up doing the dish washing with my friends and their husband, and we just laugh together (and get drunk together). One of my friends’ husband cooks when they receive guests, and she’s the one who chat with the guest while he’s in the kitchen, sometimes popping by.  Yes, my friends have had downs in their relationship, but so far, they have all managed to get through that.

broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Merci pour ce moment

So, I read Valerie Trierwieler’s book “Merci pour ce moment” (thank you for this moment). Usually, I stay away from books which are hype for a wrong reason. But I realized I read very bad reviews about this book and critics on its author, so I wanted to make my own opinion on this book.

I felt close to her, to be honest. She wrote about how her relationship with the President of France started and its end. How she left her life to start an new one with him, only to get rejected at the end for an actress who comes from a very wealthy and powerful family.

Valerie Trierwieler reminds in her book she comes from a middle class family, like most the the French population. To put that in perspective, it’s like Michelle Obama, who came from a poor family, got dumped for a socialite like Paris Hilton (ok, not her, but someone who comes from a wealthy and powerful family like the Hiltons).

But she also explains how the presidency of France changed everything between François Hollande and her. How stressful and bitter it was.

As we know, France has been difficult to govern since the beginning of François Hollande’s mandate. And he disappointed a lot his citizens.He made his campaign against the world of finance. “My enemy is the Finance” he said in his famous speech at Le Bourget in January 2012. 

Since then, the French government voted a very light regulation against its banks, which pushed some journalists to write this book, “My friend is the Finance“.

The French government has already fallen four times now, due to internal fights in the socialist party, scandals like the Cahuzac/Morelle ones, and the rise of the right wing nationalist party Front National at the last regional elections.

And François Hollande has already made several mistakes, by playing it solo. Valerie Trierwieler reminds in her book about the infamous episode when she tweeted her support to the candidate who was running against Ségolène Royal, Francois Hollande’s ex and mother of their four children, for La Rochelle legislative department back in 2012. All of Francois Hollande’s counselors told him to remain distant from this battle, but he chose to support Ségolène Royal,  parachuted at La Rochelle, who got defeated by voters.

This book is the one of someone who loved and lost the one she loved. Unfortunately, many of great personalities have a desperate significant other at their side. And Valerie Trierweiler is not an exception.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The book of revenge

In France,  the french president’s ex -girlfriend has just published a tell-all book. It’s the first time an actual president is served with a book written by someone who lived with him. Nicolas Sarkozy, the former president, got also served with a book written by his ex-wife, but he wasn’t the president anymore when it was published last year.

Valerie Trierweiler, the ex-girlfriend, was dumped at the beginning of this year, after a tabloid published pictures of her man and his mistress on the first day of the year. It was a nasty break up. And a very humiliating experience for her. But apparently, he was often humiliating her during their relationship. And like Cecilia Sarkozy before her, she served him with very passive-agressive behaviors, like the tweet she wrote against her ex’ex wife. But she didn’t disappear during international events like Cecilia Sarkozy, who didn’t vote, didn’t show when her husband was invited by  George W. Bush, or who showed almost in jeans and casual outfit at a gala with him. I guess Trierwieler didn’t have the time to do that.

But her book is also a passive-agressive behavior. And it shows she’s still under his control. Because by writing this book, she just gives him more power, even if she tried to diminish him by telling how awful he was with her.

For sure, this will impact François Hollande’s popularity, which is already at the lowest point among all the french presidents. But I’m not sure it will help her at all.

Another ex-mistress wrote a tell-all book about Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former IMF director, and former Exchequer of France. DSK tried to cancel the release of the book, but he lost in court. Almost one year after, she wrote a new book. The story is about a woman who got revenge against a man who brutalized her… But most writers keep on writing about the same theme, even if they disguise it. I read “Sevère” by Regis Jauffret, a writer who likes to write about tragic real life events.  There are countless examples.

But writing a book to forget someone is a wrong idea. Because it will always remind you of him. And haunt you for the rest of your life.

Yet, I guess Valerie Trierwieler got courted by every publisher because let’s say it,  it’s not common to see a president dumping his wife or girlfriend during  his mandate. Cecilia Sarkozy, now Attias, left her ex because she had enough. And she stayed out of the media light during the rest of her ex-husband’s mandate. There was curiosity around Trierwieler. Since the beginning of the year, every media was still after her. Everyone was speculating about a tell-all book. From the beginning, her relationship with François Hollande had been scandalous. She’s a journalist. A political journalist, who used to write stories about him. It was a strange union.

We, journalists,  can get burned.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

Are men with high IQ more faithful?

Albert Einstein, the famous physicist, had an IQ of 162. When he got famous for his theory about relativity, he started to collect a lot of mistresses. 

His first marriage was also doomed because he started to cheat on his wife, who watched him slowly going away from her,  with his cousin. After his divorce, he got married quickly to his cousin, who admired him, unlike his first wife who was also a physicist and could criticize his work. But his second marriage was doomed too, because of his theory about relativity which made him famous and offered him to travel around the world like a rock star to explain it.

So, if Einstein should serve as an example, he would invalidate this study which found that men with high IQ place greater value on monogamy and sexual exclusivity than their less intelligent peers.

I know another example invalidating this theory. He also has an IQ of 162, like Einstein, but he’s not a physicist. He’s an economist. 

He got married twice, and cheated on his wives several times. He still collects many mistresses now. It’s not very difficult. Women run after him, as if he was a rock star too.

People are just fascinated by him. So they invite him everywhere to speak about his theories. No, he’s not Thomas Piketty nor Paul Krugman, but he’s famous in my country, and starts to be famous too in France. Every conference he gives, every seminar he’s invited to attract a lot of people, including women. 

Unlike Einstein, celebrity didn’t offer him many opportunities to cheat.  He was already unfaithful when he wasn’t famous.

But he’s an example too of a man with high IQ who doesn’t place greater value on monogamy and sexual exclusivity.

Like this article said, men with high IQ are more likely to lie. So, it’s possible that people didn’t answer honestly to the survey. After all, a recent study shows rich people don’t  realize they are richer than they think.

Some people lie to themselves. Even men with high IQ.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts

Fifty shades of unhealthy grey

I read a lot, but there are books I don’t want to read, just because I’m against those which are popular for a wrong reason. For example, I didn’t read the book about DSK’s mistress, nor the one about our Royal Family written by a journalist, which made a scandal when they were released. I also tend to avoid Goncourt prizes and other prizes because of past disappointments. Yes, I’m a difficult reader.

Among those books I avoided, there was “Fifty shades of grey”. But according to a study led by a Michican State University, I have avoided unhealthy behaviors linked to reading this book.

When I saw the trailer for the movie, I thought it was funny I’ve never encountered such a situation. Because as a financial journalist, I often interview powerful alpha males. Some of my friends wonder if any of those guys have ever tried anything with me. But except one case, most of them just stay professional.

Unlike the lead character in the book, Anastasia, I don’t meet handsome alpha males like Christian Grey. First, most of them are above 50 year old, even 60 year old. Some of them aren’t good-looking. Second, they love being interviewed. They don’t interview me back. I had cases where the guys didn’t want to answer my questions. But hey, my interviews are not nice, because I tend to dig into financial datas to confront the guy. Oh, and I think they are not nice.

But usually, I’m often accompanied by either a PR or a photographer to do my interviews. I’m never always alone with the guy.

I would also hate to be treated like Anastasia, because I would wonder if I did send the wrong signal to the guy.

But like Anastasia, I sometimes don’t feel pretty enough. Yet, if any man tells me I should lose weight or do this and that, I tend to despise him and vow to avoid him.

Maybe because I’m older than 24, and have already experienced bad relationships I don’t want to repeat.

celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

LinkedIn and Twitter, a new way to find love?

The Financial Times ran an article today about the pursuit of love on LinkedIn. Yes, this professional social media is unlikely a mean to find love. But since it’s a social media, replacing real human interactions, it’s a way like another one. Especially because people try to put a picture where they look smart and professional, in other words, at their best.

I’ve been asked out twice through LinkedIn, by guys I don’t even know. One found me after I got interviewed on TV after my book was published. The other one just found me randomly.

I both turned them down, because I just got the impression they were after me just after my looks. I hate that. Yes, I know, it got to start somewhere. But I also need to feel appreciated for what I am.

I’ve been also hit on Twitter. There, the guy kept on sending me direct messages, to the point I got fed up. I felt overwhelmed. And the questions were not interesting.

He also found me randomly.

On Facebook, at the beginning, my profile was public, and I also received this kind of messages. Until I put my profile in private. Since then, no one dares to hit on me. Because they can’t find me.

I find this annoying to be fair. It’s  not very different from dating sites, where usually, I get a lot of compliments on my profile picture, but no one is able to start a decent conversation with me.

Don’t get me wrong. If a guy told me I’m ugly or fat, I won’t try to pursue a conversation with him either.

But if a guy I don’t know just compliment me on my looks, it just reminds me of my years in College, where during parties, there was a guy who tried to get laid with every woman in the room, and used the same pick up lines with everyone. Usually, it worked with the one who was completely wasted. All the other women turned him down, just like I did.

The guy was not very handsome, but was really determined to get what he wanted. As if we were just preys.

I don’t like to feel like a prey. I’m not a prey.

So, have you ever received love messages on unusual social medias like LinkedIn?

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The distance between us

To watch the one you love getting slowly out of love with you is painful. To try to get him back and to get rejected again is also painful.

This is a failure. Most of us experience failures through our live. As Albert Einstein said,  anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

But with love, failure is sometimes difficult to deal with.

Some of us move on and find somebody else to love. But some of us don’t. According to statistics, very few widows get married again. For divorcees, the statistics rise. But yet, it’s not 100%.

Some of my friends, who got divorced already years ago, have never found another man. One of them has been single for over ten years now, and she has never experienced a serious relationship ever since. She has dated other men, but none of them really stayed into her life.  Another of them is too busy with her small children to think about dating again.

Another one has been desperately trying to get back with her ex. It’s been five years now, and she never gave up. Of course, her ex has moved on and is now the father of a little girl. But my friend still hopes she could come back into his life.

Unfortunately for her, one of our mutual friends, who was also hoping to get back with her ex, got what she wanted, after waiting for almost ten years.  Since she announced to us she was back with him, my other friend has been gaining confidence she could do that too.  I must admit I felt the same way as she after that news.

My friend has met other men. But none of them really interested her.

She didn’t realize our common friend had a strategy to win her ex back. My friend was looking to start her business, and she asked her ex to join her. She didn’t expect him to accept. But he did. Their business is now flourishing. Before, she was struggling between countless jobs she hated, on her own. Before, we used to spend countless nights drinking together to drown our sorrow. But since she started her business, I haven’t seen her that often. And we don’t go drinking together like we used to do. Instead, we just talk about our projects. She’s been my support since I publish my first book and is very proud of me, like I’m very proud of her.

As for my other friend, well, I hope she will learn her lesson.